Thankfully, things are still progressing well. My estrodial level was 587 today and I have 30 follicles that are cooking nicely 🙂 I have to say I’m starting to feel it though. The ultrasound tech warned me that as all of these start getting big I will be in a lot of pain and she is right. I feel worn down too and I am so hormonal. I am always prepared to be hormonal when doing injections but all I want to do is cry! (And then I laugh about how all I want to do is cry! lol) Today was a rough day at work, a lot of stress, and add to it that I am not feeling well I think I am going to take the night off from household duties and stresses and just chill, catch up on my DVR and read. I stopped and got a yummy decaf iced coffee and think I will have hubby pick up take-out on his way home. I think I need a night for myself to relax, that’s important right? I’ll just do a little laundry so I don’t feel too guilty. 😉 I hope everyone else has a beautiful evening! xoxo
It has been a bittersweet emotional day. Shortly after I received the call that my friend’s IVF cycle failed I received my daily call from the RE office. Things are looking so good. The nurse said she was really happy that things are progressing so well. My E2 was 314 and I currently have, ready for it?…28 follicles growing! Very excited about that because it is way more than I have ever had. 1-15 mm, 2-10 mm, 8-8 mm, 9-7 mm, and 8-6 mm. She said they will probably ignore the 15 mm and let it go in order to let the other ones get nice and big to have a good retrieval. I am so excited and am really starting to feel good about everything for the first time. I have always been positive about this first IVF cycle but I feel even more optimistic now. I would love for a great retrieval and a good amount of healthy embryos.
I must be honest that I feel so guilty being excited and positive for myself when a friend has just suffered so much and has failed a cycle. I am tearing up just thinking about it right now. I have to put myself past it, I will always be there for comfort and support but I know that I must stay positive and think lovely thoughts about my cycle and upcoming retrieval and implant. Love to all! xoxo
I just received word that a dear friend’s second fresh IVF cycle did not take. My heart is breaking for her and her husband. If there is anyone who deserves for this to work it is them. They have tried so hard and have had so many heartaches. This is the hard part of the infertility disease that so many women and men suffer from. The trying, the waiting, and all too often, the heartbreak. We put all of our faith, our hope, our energy, our money into a cycle and when it does not work our world can feel as if it is crashing down around us. The hardest part, the part that separate’s an infertile woman’s strength from that of others, is picking up the next day and moving on. Sometimes it takes a while to get over the grief, but we know that in order to move forward we must not forget, we just move on.
In light of so much frustration it is so difficult to stay positive, to stay focused. How do we move on? How do we find the strength to move forward? I am not sure. We just do. There is something in all of us, something in our support system. Somehow, when we wake the next day with an empty wine glass in our hands and tear stained cheeks we are able to see the sun is shinning and it’s a new day with new hopes, beginnings, and opportunities. But it will never be fair.
Just got the results of my first blood work back and my estradiol levels are at 200! That is great so my injections will remain at the same dose for this evening. I was so worried because the last time my ovaries were not doing anything at the beginning and it ended up taking me 16 days of injections and my levels never really got where they needed to be. Tomorrow is my first ultrasound so I am very excited for that, can’t wait to see how many little follicles I have going, praying for a good amount!
The injections this time have left something to be desired. But who would think that sticking needles in your stomach would be a fun experience?! The first time hurt pretty bad. I have done injections before so I am guessing it was the Menopur that really burned which is what I’ve heard from others as well. Each one has hurt less so that is a good sign. Unfortunately I am still feeling very tired and have bad headaches. My favorite symptom though? Crying at the drop of a hat! It always cracks me up that the silliest things can make me cry, at least it’s not the opposite right? At least I’m not angry and aggressive for no reason all the time (which sometimes, I’ll admit, happens when I am taking Prometrium to induce a cycle). Little twinges in my ovaries are starting to happen too which is a good sign. Nothing too painful, just short, sharp pains that let me know things are happening, a way of my ovaries talking to me! I am just really having a good feeling about everything and being so careful so that I can’t look back with any regrets, I will know that I tried everything within my control to make this work.
I hope everyone had a beautiful, relaxing weekend! I know I did! Until tomorrow…
Well, I have finally made it here, Cycle Day 3. The day when I start my stimulation medications and begin to hope and pray for as many healthy, viable eggs as possible. I’m excited that my doctors have me mixing my medications so I only have one larger injection as opposed to three separate ones. For the next three nights I will be on 75 u of Follistim and Menopur and 5 u of Lupron. I feel comfortable with those doses although they are higher than any I have had just starting off when I was doing stimulated IUI cycles with Follistim but I know they want even more eggs than the usual 5-8 I would end up with. I am also praying that I do not end up with OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) like I have in the past with the higher doses and end up with a canceled cycle. Oh well, I am going to hope for the best! I know that I still have a long way to go before I know the outcome but I feel so excited to be so much closer! I hate waiting, as I’ve mentioned, and have no patience for it, lol.
I am making sure that I am taking care of my body according to all of the research I have done. Moderate to light exercise only, no alcohol, plenty of rest, meditate or yoga, no caffeine, plenty of fruits and veggies, etc. I have to admit that I am going to miss my favored red wine over this holiday weekend but oh well, it’s ok. I have stocked up on Tazo decaf lattes that you can mix with milk and make at home so I will use those to indulge over the coming weeks. I also stocked up on my protein shakes and Powerade 0 to help stave off OHSS.
I am looking forward to doing some good cleaning, tending to my flowers and garden, reading, and doing a lot of cooking and baking in the kitchen this weekend. My husband will be working late each day except Monday so I will spend some quality time with myself. Monday we are going to a BBQ at my husband’s brother’s home to spend time with him and his new bride! So excited, we haven’t seen them in two weeks since the wedding. I hope everyone has great plans for this holiday weekend and that everything is beautiful where you are. Remember, there is nothing better than doing the things you enjoy most for yourself to put yourself at ease and a smile on your face!
I always swore I wouldn’t do it, I wouldn’t become one of those people who are constantly worried about every single toxin and chemical found in every aspect of our daily lives but it is starting to happen. Every time I turn around I am reading something on the internet or in one of my magazines about the effects of chemicals on our bodies and health. The biggest culprit for those of us suffering infertility seems to be BPA (or Bisphenol A). I am buying glass, using less plastic, and checking labels all the time. I am also becoming more conscious of foods even; for example I try to stay away from decaff (since having caffeine during IVF is a no-no) because there are more carcinogens in it. I am beginning to think that I will make myself crazy soon. I need to remind myself that if I can rid myself and my home of easily controllable chemicals a few wont hurt me. Is anyone else finding themselves doing this same thing? I guess when you are trying so hard for something it is so easy to focus on every little thing that may be having a negative impact on your desired result. Ah well, one step at a time right?
Honestly though, if you have not heard about the effects that BPA can have on fertility please look into this. BPA is found in many plastics such as food storage containers, lining of canned foods, and more. Fortunately correcting the BPA toxins in your system is relatively easy and the results are quick.
On a more exciting note, I am so excited to go to the doctor’s Friday morning and hopefully get the all-clear to start my stimulation injections Friday evening! I’m ready to get this show on the road! I’m just worried because I haven’t started a cycle yet which I was supposed to after the birth control but that sometimes happens with PCOS (especially with me because I do not have a period without some sort of assistance such as progesterone supplements or after a stimulated cycle). I just can’t wait to get this cycle started, I feel better about this time than I ever have before and I hope it stays that way!
Friday evening was day 1 of my Lupron injections. The injection itself wasn’t bad, just some mild burning as the medication sunk in, but it was the after effects that had me quickly remembering just how evil hormone injections can be. After my injection I went back outside to continue working on my planter garden (it has been such a beautiful week and weekend to work outside!) and as I was bending and shoveling dirt into pots my ovaries decided to yell at me a bit so I quickly finished up what I could then relaxed for the rest of the night. Saturday morning I woke up with a horrible migraine. I took Tylenol to help with the symptoms and dreamed of caffeine which normally helps a lot with my migraines. By mid-afternoon the pain was so bad I actually took a nap, I NEVER take naps. Not that I don’t want to take a nap but my mind usually wont shut down enough for me to accomplish one but I actually managed on Saturday. Thankfully, I woke up this morning with only a mild headache which I’m hoping will go away soon. But, all in all it is worth every bit if I can get one step closer to fulfiling our family dreams. 🙂
I do have to admit something though, and maybe some of you feel the same. I realized on Friday how I am happiest when I am actually going through treament. Yup, I said it folks; I am happiest when I am jabbing needles in myself and getting blood withdrawn and an ultrasound daily. I suppose the happy thoughts are because I am actually making progress and doing something about the situation I am in as opposed to sitting around just mourning for my empty womb. I am a total do-er so when I am not actually doing something progressive I feel unstoppable. I hate the times between treatments which can be long and tenuous for me (and many women with PCOS) because we are so prone to Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome and I always get it which means taking 1-2 months off between treatment cycles. Then, preparing for IVF has been such a long process with all of the tests and paperwork; I am so happy that it is finally here and we are working towards our miracle 🙂
Off to an art fair with my hubby today, first one of the season and I am so excited! I hope it is as beautiful where you are today as it is here. Enjoy your Sunday! 🙂