I know we have all heard this question, along with the millions of other types of questions people ask when they know you are married and don’t seem to have any children yet or haven’t seen you in a while. These questions can take a happy social moment and turn it into a punch in the gut making you want to turn around and run to the nearest bathroom to lick your wounds with your tears.
Normally, I do not have to deal with these types of inquisitions too often since I am so open about the fertility struggles of my husband and I (now I just get “How are you feeling?” from my family and friends, lol). I was also fortunate to not hear this question in quite some time until I was at a funeral a couple weeks ago and the inevitable question had to come up. Thankfully, I have a husband who has learned to easily compensate for the heart in my throat when some asks about the state of our family building out of no where. Normally we are pretty honest with our answer, “My wife and I are both struggling with fertility issues and we are working on it” which may lead into a deeper conversation but there is also a time and place for this answer and situations such as a funeral are not those so we simply answer, “we are working on it!”.
People don’t know what you are going through if you have never told them and it would be silly to assume that they could have any idea simply because you do not have any children yet (so many couples these days wait so long you can never really know). Whatever your decision is when answering the unavoidable “so, any kids yet?” questions you and your spouse should have a set game plan for what your answers are going to be to and when it is appropriate to speak about the truth (if that is what you choose). Having a course of action for answering questions makes the moments when you are taken aback and stumbling for words a little more smooth and less nerve-racking (kind of like being a PR person for a celebrity and going over the pre-determined list with an interviewer and interviewee). Overall, you must remember to protect yourself, your feelings, and your sanity.